Parents! College is in your Future.

Today was a reflective day for me and probably most of the parents who were sitting in the library at CW  Stanford Middle school. This morning parents were invited to a Counselors coffee Hour. This was the first one I have attended and since I have an 8th grader there I may as well go. 
It turns out that not much has changed in the whole college world since I left college last semester.  Looking around the room there were concerned looks on the faces of parents. The news that AP classes are the standard their kids must meet to be considered a viable applicant at college was scary. In addition there were the parents in the room who probably never stepped foot on a college campus....news to them the whole process is overwelming to anyone.  Its even more to go through alone we you are only 18 years old.
The admissions couselor speaking to us today was a representive from UNC Chapel Hill.  UNC CHapel Hill is perhaps one of the most sought after  public colleges in the state. I realize being a Pirate I had to sit through her droning on about the tar heel blue but honestly she spoke about her personal expereince and I was right there with her. The experience navigating college admissions pretty much alone.  Her experience was her choices in finding a college were limited.  Her mother could only afford to visit near by colleges and she was only allowed to apply to one.  I nearly cried hearing her story because it sounded so similar to my own.  I was only allowed to visit near by schools, my step father was sick in the fall of my senior year and my college acceptance was the last thing on anyone mind but my own.  My mother did manage to take to me a college fair and I was very excited. Then reality came, each of those applications I wanted to send off cost $30-$100 for submission.  That vastly changed things for me.  Several colleges I wanted to attend but at the time my parents simply didn't have the money.  I widdled my list to a two colleges with $30 application fees, and held my breath.  IF I were lucky I would get in.  I actually did get into those two colleges, but my choices of colleges were limited simply because my parents at that point in time didn't have the money to allow me to apply to more than those two colleges.  Today though I learned of a wonderful thing called Fee Waiver services from the College Board.  The Fee Waiver service allows students to have their fees waived for the SAT, additionally students qualifying for this program can have application fees waived to up to Four colleges and major universities.  For more information about this service for your family please visit  http://sat.collegeboard.com/register/sat-fee-waivers
The other thing about colleges and universities are visiting. I know for many parents who've attended college in a previous life they want their little ones to attend their Alma mater.  That's perfectly fine but believe it or not there's thousands of families with parents that never stepped foot on the campus of a four year university. Or your  little darling has no desire to be go to the school you have a life long loyalty too.   Its a far cry from the comfort of home and much different than commuting to community college.  Visiting the campus of your child's choice is a big step. They might want to go to college with their friends and find that campus life at that college is suiting for them. As a parent you might learn that the college might be surrounded by a not so great neighbor hood, that off campus living isn't feasible. There's tons to consider when looking at living at a four year college. Visiting can help give you that feel. I was able to visit one college only after I had been accepted.  One college I applied to I am sure to this day I didn't get in because I was unable to visit.  Some larger universities make it easy, just drive over and park (in legal parking)  walk the campus and see what's happening. Smaller colleges visitors stick out like sore thumbs so it might be best to call ahead or just drop and see what's happening.  The most important thing use the Fall of the senior year to visit whatever college your child is planning to attend. Instead of that big vacation, plan a few weekend trips, take those teacher work days to see a college in full action.
The take away in all of this, if you have an 8th grader, or a child in High school is seriously considering a four year university get started now with visiting colleges and dont' let your ability to pay for testing and applications. 

From "Being Domestic" to Being Domestic

There was a time in nearly every Domestic Engineers life that we weren't a Domestic Engineer. At some point we were all just kids having fun, good fun that was funny. There was a life before we had children and home that we joked about "Being Domestic". I don't know how many times I would tell friends that I was "Being domestic" when I washed dishes for my dorm room or cleaned up at my parents house. One of friends called her self "being domestic" when she washed clothes for her boy friend. To us it was all a joke, most of were in college by that point just having a good ole time. The fact we were a majority at our school and that the vast majority of us were planning a life on the career path made the joke of "Being Domestic" all the more funny. NONE of us had the intention of really "being domestic".
What brings this on is an Innocent camera that I took to my local one hour photo processor. This particular disposable camera had been with me since before my DP and I ever called ourselves a couple. We were talking at the time I bought this particular camera. Still the same, this camera and its contents were over 5 years old and it had keeping the secrets of my previous life. Now before your little head drops off into the world of weird sex or illegal activities (okay underage drinking is illegal), that's hardly the case . I had actually forgotten what was on this camera, I just knew I might have some explaining to do. Was it the camera that had me funneling beer, or was it the one with me passed out drunk. I truly didn't know. What I did know is I didn't want the kids to see.
After about an hour I go back to the photo processor open the envelope and I was surprised. It was pictures from a Spiritual retreat. I was relieved, what wonderful pictures I had of some old friends from the Christian group. After about ten pictures BOOM!! The reality hit, I was suddenly shot back to a place when I wasn't ever having children and there was nothing peaceful and serene about the pictures. I was in my dorm room on what appears to be a typical Thursday night in college. 5 or 6 people in my room with all of us passing the camera around taking pictures of each other. My initial reaction was Oh My God! the photo processor had seen these pictures. The reaction the followed was surprising, I missed those college days...or did I? At the time I when I was a single, independent female, doing what ever she wished day and night. It wasn't as if I had eased my way into my current life, it was more or less I was flung from one life style to another in a single menstral cycle.
Suddenly I found myself standing there with kids all around and my DP reflecting on a by gone era of my life as if I had missed something. I critiqued the faces of my old friends, friends that after I had my son disappeared from my life. I looked at the contents of my dorm room, which was really a mish-mash of objects I had collected. I still remembered joking with some of the girls in the pictures about "when we get married". Honestly it was the biggest running joke among many of my friends at the time.
My thoughts at those moments were suddenly confused why wasn't I wanting to rip a hole through time to be childless and man less after all it wasn't like I was ready to leave the party scene behind when I moved in with my DP and got pregnant. So I was conflicted. I was sprung out of the childless man less "being domestic" world of a 20 year old the day I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't that uncommon. A couple moves into together, one wild night, and nine months later. Yet it happened to me, though what I did wasn't normal. I still laugh that my DP and I decided to have a kid. Its true. Although I wasn't the only domestic engineer I had met that moved in with their partner and got a big surprise. It was more than that, they fell in love with staying at home. They love being dedicated to their families more than anything else in the world. That was exactly it; I love my life as it is right now. It took nearly two days of reflecting to sort out these feelings that I didn't truly like my independent life. I had been taught as many women in my generation have that Working and living alone are best. You can do what ever you want. Being Domestic is more than our mother's and Grandmothers had told us about. Honestly I like that I can spend my days with my children and realize at 4 in the afternoon I am still wearing my PJ's. If I had actually followed the first path I was on, I am sure I would be up at 4AM on a research vessel somewhere with people I didn't really like to begin with or worse staying up nights on end crunching data. What ever the case may be it wouldn't be sitting here blogging and wondering if I should eat Fruit loops or actually go fold the clothes that's been in the dryer since Friday. In all reality I am still doing what ever I want. I cook what I want, tell the the childern to do what I want, sleep in nearly as long I want to, stay on line as long as the house is still standing, decide to go shopping when I want to. I am the boss of no one else but me.
Too all of the Domestic Engineers out there who are just like me, good luck!