Yesterday at 4:35PM I recieved the phone call I have been waiting for. The voice on the other end of the line was someone very important relaying a message that could be compared to a Governor delaying a death sentence. The voice said "Hi, this is XYZ at the Ford Dealership, your car is ready for pick up." Immediately my eyes glazed over with anticipation, I looked at the clock and asked what time did they close. Lucky me I had less than an hour an half to make it. However my DP was still at work, I hadn't gotten dressed all day and dinner was ready. What..o what was I to do. Well I called DP, told him the car was ready, jumped in the shower, got my DS dressed, put dinner in storage containers and waited on the back steps. There was NO way I was going to wait one more day to have a vehicle.
So, its true, my van sits in my drive-way waiting for my DS and I to climb inside and take her for a ride. I can assure you my DS is as excited as I am, for its been nearly 3 months since he last seen a playground. I was laying in bed last night, snuggled up with my DS as I thought about story time at the library, adult interaction, Playground, Grocery shopping in the morning on a Wednesday, going to the bank when there's no crowd, packing up my bike and riding around the park. My head was swimming with joy, so much freedom and of course my DP and I could actually rest on the weekends and evenings. No more evening runs to the grocery store, no more driving like mad to the bank before it closes, No more late books to the library because I couldn't make it back into town.
The joy was short lived. I had to switch gears. For the past months, without a car we have saved a lot of money with just one vehicle on the road. As a family we barely used a tank of gas a week. So with two vehicles, and driving into the nearest town, to church, what ever else I can come up with.....my van could quickly become a money hole. I have had to take a step back. I do anticipate going to the gym 3 times a week, and going grocery shopping once, story time at the Library, and the occasional homeschool group. If my estimates are correct that puts me in some city limits somewhere...3 days a week and I can always park and ride if I want to go to another city.
Today, dispite the economic whoes, the price of gas, and our tight budget I am heading to town. I am breaking free of it all and going for the gusto. My DS already knows about story time, we might swing by the gym for a light swim, and perhaps even go to the park. No one really knows where we might end up by the end of the day..but things certain I will be out of the house for much of the rest of the day. The old comment..don't mind me I'll be home ALL DAY (insert the sound of distain and dread).
To the mommies in the Orange area...that magnet will be mine ...muahahaha.
Showing posts with label Sleeping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleeping. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
From "Being Domestic" to Being Domestic
There was a time in nearly every Domestic Engineers life that we weren't a Domestic Engineer. At some point we were all just kids having fun, good fun that was funny. There was a life before we had children and home that we joked about "Being Domestic". I don't know how many times I would tell friends that I was "Being domestic" when I washed dishes for my dorm room or cleaned up at my parents house. One of friends called her self "being domestic" when she washed clothes for her boy friend. To us it was all a joke, most of were in college by that point just having a good ole time. The fact we were a majority at our school and that the vast majority of us were planning a life on the career path made the joke of "Being Domestic" all the more funny. NONE of us had the intention of really "being domestic".
What brings this on is an Innocent camera that I took to my local one hour photo processor. This particular disposable camera had been with me since before my DP and I ever called ourselves a couple. We were talking at the time I bought this particular camera. Still the same, this camera and its contents were over 5 years old and it had keeping the secrets of my previous life. Now before your little head drops off into the world of weird sex or illegal activities (okay underage drinking is illegal), that's hardly the case . I had actually forgotten what was on this camera, I just knew I might have some explaining to do. Was it the camera that had me funneling beer, or was it the one with me passed out drunk. I truly didn't know. What I did know is I didn't want the kids to see.
After about an hour I go back to the photo processor open the envelope and I was surprised. It was pictures from a Spiritual retreat. I was relieved, what wonderful pictures I had of some old friends from the Christian group. After about ten pictures BOOM!! The reality hit, I was suddenly shot back to a place when I wasn't ever having children and there was nothing peaceful and serene about the pictures. I was in my dorm room on what appears to be a typical Thursday night in college. 5 or 6 people in my room with all of us passing the camera around taking pictures of each other. My initial reaction was Oh My God! the photo processor had seen these pictures. The reaction the followed was surprising, I missed those college days...or did I? At the time I when I was a single, independent female, doing what ever she wished day and night. It wasn't as if I had eased my way into my current life, it was more or less I was flung from one life style to another in a single menstral cycle.
Suddenly I found myself standing there with kids all around and my DP reflecting on a by gone era of my life as if I had missed something. I critiqued the faces of my old friends, friends that after I had my son disappeared from my life. I looked at the contents of my dorm room, which was really a mish-mash of objects I had collected. I still remembered joking with some of the girls in the pictures about "when we get married". Honestly it was the biggest running joke among many of my friends at the time.
My thoughts at those moments were suddenly confused why wasn't I wanting to rip a hole through time to be childless and man less after all it wasn't like I was ready to leave the party scene behind when I moved in with my DP and got pregnant. So I was conflicted. I was sprung out of the childless man less "being domestic" world of a 20 year old the day I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't that uncommon. A couple moves into together, one wild night, and nine months later. Yet it happened to me, though what I did wasn't normal. I still laugh that my DP and I decided to have a kid. Its true. Although I wasn't the only domestic engineer I had met that moved in with their partner and got a big surprise. It was more than that, they fell in love with staying at home. They love being dedicated to their families more than anything else in the world. That was exactly it; I love my life as it is right now. It took nearly two days of reflecting to sort out these feelings that I didn't truly like my independent life. I had been taught as many women in my generation have that Working and living alone are best. You can do what ever you want. Being Domestic is more than our mother's and Grandmothers had told us about. Honestly I like that I can spend my days with my children and realize at 4 in the afternoon I am still wearing my PJ's. If I had actually followed the first path I was on, I am sure I would be up at 4AM on a research vessel somewhere with people I didn't really like to begin with or worse staying up nights on end crunching data. What ever the case may be it wouldn't be sitting here blogging and wondering if I should eat Fruit loops or actually go fold the clothes that's been in the dryer since Friday. In all reality I am still doing what ever I want. I cook what I want, tell the the childern to do what I want, sleep in nearly as long I want to, stay on line as long as the house is still standing, decide to go shopping when I want to. I am the boss of no one else but me.
Too all of the Domestic Engineers out there who are just like me, good luck!
What brings this on is an Innocent camera that I took to my local one hour photo processor. This particular disposable camera had been with me since before my DP and I ever called ourselves a couple. We were talking at the time I bought this particular camera. Still the same, this camera and its contents were over 5 years old and it had keeping the secrets of my previous life. Now before your little head drops off into the world of weird sex or illegal activities (okay underage drinking is illegal), that's hardly the case . I had actually forgotten what was on this camera, I just knew I might have some explaining to do. Was it the camera that had me funneling beer, or was it the one with me passed out drunk. I truly didn't know. What I did know is I didn't want the kids to see.
After about an hour I go back to the photo processor open the envelope and I was surprised. It was pictures from a Spiritual retreat. I was relieved, what wonderful pictures I had of some old friends from the Christian group. After about ten pictures BOOM!! The reality hit, I was suddenly shot back to a place when I wasn't ever having children and there was nothing peaceful and serene about the pictures. I was in my dorm room on what appears to be a typical Thursday night in college. 5 or 6 people in my room with all of us passing the camera around taking pictures of each other. My initial reaction was Oh My God! the photo processor had seen these pictures. The reaction the followed was surprising, I missed those college days...or did I? At the time I when I was a single, independent female, doing what ever she wished day and night. It wasn't as if I had eased my way into my current life, it was more or less I was flung from one life style to another in a single menstral cycle.
Suddenly I found myself standing there with kids all around and my DP reflecting on a by gone era of my life as if I had missed something. I critiqued the faces of my old friends, friends that after I had my son disappeared from my life. I looked at the contents of my dorm room, which was really a mish-mash of objects I had collected. I still remembered joking with some of the girls in the pictures about "when we get married". Honestly it was the biggest running joke among many of my friends at the time.
My thoughts at those moments were suddenly confused why wasn't I wanting to rip a hole through time to be childless and man less after all it wasn't like I was ready to leave the party scene behind when I moved in with my DP and got pregnant. So I was conflicted. I was sprung out of the childless man less "being domestic" world of a 20 year old the day I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't that uncommon. A couple moves into together, one wild night, and nine months later. Yet it happened to me, though what I did wasn't normal. I still laugh that my DP and I decided to have a kid. Its true. Although I wasn't the only domestic engineer I had met that moved in with their partner and got a big surprise. It was more than that, they fell in love with staying at home. They love being dedicated to their families more than anything else in the world. That was exactly it; I love my life as it is right now. It took nearly two days of reflecting to sort out these feelings that I didn't truly like my independent life. I had been taught as many women in my generation have that Working and living alone are best. You can do what ever you want. Being Domestic is more than our mother's and Grandmothers had told us about. Honestly I like that I can spend my days with my children and realize at 4 in the afternoon I am still wearing my PJ's. If I had actually followed the first path I was on, I am sure I would be up at 4AM on a research vessel somewhere with people I didn't really like to begin with or worse staying up nights on end crunching data. What ever the case may be it wouldn't be sitting here blogging and wondering if I should eat Fruit loops or actually go fold the clothes that's been in the dryer since Friday. In all reality I am still doing what ever I want. I cook what I want, tell the the childern to do what I want, sleep in nearly as long I want to, stay on line as long as the house is still standing, decide to go shopping when I want to. I am the boss of no one else but me.
Too all of the Domestic Engineers out there who are just like me, good luck!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Adventures with a sticker Chart
I have a 3 year old son who is a pleasure to be around. In the past few months I have been wondering how to get him to do some things he wouldn't normally do. I have been toying with the idea of a sticker chart.
Let me be the first to say this wasn't my first or favorite option. I am a big fan of Gentle and Positive Discipline. I think a child should learn appropriate behavior from positive re enforcement and detract from negative behavior through natural consequences.
For so long I had avoided the sticker chart. I felt like it reduced my DS's behavior to a pieces of printed paper with an adhesive on the back. After living with my DS for three years I know my DS loves rewards and prizes. They are a great motivator for him and so I went with what works for him, despite my feelings about sticker charts.
I began with three behaviors that I wanted to help him change. I didn't want to make the chart to complicated so I thought just three behaviors would be easiest for him to change and for myself. I often go over board with change and it can be over whelming for the whole family. My three top behaviors of choice were staying in bed, sitting at dinner, and cleaning up after himself. I searched online for several sticker charts but none of them were what I needed. So I designed my on chart. I needed a chart with pictures so my DS would know what each behavior was. For example staynig in bed, I put a picture of a bed in the top column. I also labeled each behavior so later on he could associate the picture and word.
After I published the chart I showed it to my son. The first thing I went over was sitting at dinner time. Dinner was an hour so I wanted him to fully understand what I would be expecting. I then went to cleaning, and well he said "I AM OUT OF HERE". He left the room. Now, cleaning up is a bit of a sore issue in this house. He doesn't like to clean up after himself and I really think he'd be happier if he had no toys to clean up. After a few minutes I got him to come back and talk to me. We talked about the reward for cleaning up and how things would go. He still seemed not convinced so I went on to bed time. Now I knew this wasn't going to be any easier than the cleaning issue.
My son is a long time co-sleeper. He is very accustom to having me in the bed with him when he goes to sleep. Over the past few months bed time has been more of a battle than sleep time. A month ago I instituted a routine that we do not deviate from. He knows the routine as well his dad and me. The problem is after we go through the routine he just simply doesn't want to stay in bed. Even if I am laying in bed with him he will crawl around his bed, want water, need to pee, get up and run in the living room. IF I leave the room his behavior is even more difficult to deal with. He gets up multiple times, some nights its as if bed never even happened. His reaction to the whole idea of staying in bed without me was well...NOT surprising. My DS's first response was the lamp in his room makes him silly. Nice try for a nearly 4 year old. I assured him that mommy and daddy would come to his room if he needed us. I told him that mommy and daddy would be very happy to let him stay up one night a week with pop corn and a movie if he stayed in bed on a regular basis. The idea of watching a movie really peeked his interest. I thought I got through the introduction of this idea to him pretty easily.
Dinner was fast approaching, so I posted his new sticker chart on the fridge and then we went over the rules for Dinner time. Rule #1. He had to stay seated for 15 minutes or when one of the adults said it was alright to leave the table.. For the past few months he's been getting up during dinner and not eating. Rule #2. He had to sit quietly, too often he uses dinner to make noises at the table and his dad and I are trying catch up for the day. Rule #3 he has to asked to be excused. I believe in good manors and they should be taught as an example. Now there's not really a time I can show him an example of being excused. So I just stuck this one in there. I showed him the rules and the symbols. I feel like he would be able to feel better understand the rules if there were pictures involved. I posted them on the wall across from where he sits at dinner. I went over each rule and made sure he understood. I also went over the reward. If he can sit through 3 dinners he gets a special dessert on day 4. Funny enough he wanted to know if he could have an ice cream sundae. He gets three warnings for his behavior at dinner. After three warnings he will be asked try harder for his sticker at the next dinner.
His dad came home and I put him on the same page as myself. Now there's nothing more difficult or impossible to do than implement a new system and your partner isn't on the same page. I have tried in the past and it just doesn't work. When I first told my DP what I had come up with he laughed. What sold him on the idea was our son's excitement about the chart. So dinner time came and my DS got his sticker. He did very well. The sticker didn't come without praise though. My DP thanked him for sitting and joining us for dinner. He explained to him how much he likes having him at dinner. Our son was gushing with excitement.
The next hurdle on our chart was Clean up time. This one didn't go over so well. After three warnings to straighten his toy shelf he said he didn't want his sticker. I was frustrated that the prospect of going to the pool this weekend hadn't worked. I X'ed the spot for the sticker and that was that. This also had me worried for bedtime. What if he had decided he simply didn't want the sticker that would ultimately earn him a movie night.
We had been to the park that evening and he was pretty worn out from the whole experience. He had played with some kids and then joined me for part of my evening run. When we returned home I started his bed time routine. It was only natural it was 8PM. So I went about it slowly. I was under what seemed like pressure since the Season finale of Lost was coming on in just one hour. He did his shower and then wanted a bed time snack. Several snacks in fact. I felt like it was stall tactic but I wanted him full so there would be no excuses once it was time to get in bed. After his snack he asked for story time and we did stories. Then came lights out. Now I knew it would be very rude and down right wrong to kiss him good night, turn off the light, and leave. That would have blown up more quickly than an atom bomb. So I went really slow with my intentions to leave the room while he was still awake. First, I turned on a Book on CD. HE insisted that I "read" it to him but I assured him I would come check on him. I told him all he had to do was call for me if he "needed" me. I went back in his room several times upon his request but at NO point did he get out of bed. Each time I returned I let him know that he was doing great with staying in the bed. He could go to sleep and he would be fine. Right before falling asleep in his room I was giving him a back rub. He was insisting that I keep rubbing but I finally told him it was time for sleep. Part of that decision came from my very full bladder. HE cried for a minute while I went to be bathroom. The bathroom is right next to his room so I stayed in there for about 5 minutes. He was asleep when I came back inside the room. I was so happy for him.
This morning my DS woke and I told him what he had done. He had gone to sleep without me, and he had stayed in bed. He was so happy for himself. He ran into the kitchen to look at his sticker chart. Now of course I was beaming on the inside because not only did night one go well, he was so proud of himself. He started talking about what movie he was going to watch, and wanted to know if he was going to get Popcorn.
I will continue to post on my progress with this system. I am very happy and pleased that my Dp is on board with me.
Let me be the first to say this wasn't my first or favorite option. I am a big fan of Gentle and Positive Discipline. I think a child should learn appropriate behavior from positive re enforcement and detract from negative behavior through natural consequences.
For so long I had avoided the sticker chart. I felt like it reduced my DS's behavior to a pieces of printed paper with an adhesive on the back. After living with my DS for three years I know my DS loves rewards and prizes. They are a great motivator for him and so I went with what works for him, despite my feelings about sticker charts.
I began with three behaviors that I wanted to help him change. I didn't want to make the chart to complicated so I thought just three behaviors would be easiest for him to change and for myself. I often go over board with change and it can be over whelming for the whole family. My three top behaviors of choice were staying in bed, sitting at dinner, and cleaning up after himself. I searched online for several sticker charts but none of them were what I needed. So I designed my on chart. I needed a chart with pictures so my DS would know what each behavior was. For example staynig in bed, I put a picture of a bed in the top column. I also labeled each behavior so later on he could associate the picture and word.
After I published the chart I showed it to my son. The first thing I went over was sitting at dinner time. Dinner was an hour so I wanted him to fully understand what I would be expecting. I then went to cleaning, and well he said "I AM OUT OF HERE". He left the room. Now, cleaning up is a bit of a sore issue in this house. He doesn't like to clean up after himself and I really think he'd be happier if he had no toys to clean up. After a few minutes I got him to come back and talk to me. We talked about the reward for cleaning up and how things would go. He still seemed not convinced so I went on to bed time. Now I knew this wasn't going to be any easier than the cleaning issue.
My son is a long time co-sleeper. He is very accustom to having me in the bed with him when he goes to sleep. Over the past few months bed time has been more of a battle than sleep time. A month ago I instituted a routine that we do not deviate from. He knows the routine as well his dad and me. The problem is after we go through the routine he just simply doesn't want to stay in bed. Even if I am laying in bed with him he will crawl around his bed, want water, need to pee, get up and run in the living room. IF I leave the room his behavior is even more difficult to deal with. He gets up multiple times, some nights its as if bed never even happened. His reaction to the whole idea of staying in bed without me was well...NOT surprising. My DS's first response was the lamp in his room makes him silly. Nice try for a nearly 4 year old. I assured him that mommy and daddy would come to his room if he needed us. I told him that mommy and daddy would be very happy to let him stay up one night a week with pop corn and a movie if he stayed in bed on a regular basis. The idea of watching a movie really peeked his interest. I thought I got through the introduction of this idea to him pretty easily.
Dinner was fast approaching, so I posted his new sticker chart on the fridge and then we went over the rules for Dinner time. Rule #1. He had to stay seated for 15 minutes or when one of the adults said it was alright to leave the table.. For the past few months he's been getting up during dinner and not eating. Rule #2. He had to sit quietly, too often he uses dinner to make noises at the table and his dad and I are trying catch up for the day. Rule #3 he has to asked to be excused. I believe in good manors and they should be taught as an example. Now there's not really a time I can show him an example of being excused. So I just stuck this one in there. I showed him the rules and the symbols. I feel like he would be able to feel better understand the rules if there were pictures involved. I posted them on the wall across from where he sits at dinner. I went over each rule and made sure he understood. I also went over the reward. If he can sit through 3 dinners he gets a special dessert on day 4. Funny enough he wanted to know if he could have an ice cream sundae. He gets three warnings for his behavior at dinner. After three warnings he will be asked try harder for his sticker at the next dinner.
His dad came home and I put him on the same page as myself. Now there's nothing more difficult or impossible to do than implement a new system and your partner isn't on the same page. I have tried in the past and it just doesn't work. When I first told my DP what I had come up with he laughed. What sold him on the idea was our son's excitement about the chart. So dinner time came and my DS got his sticker. He did very well. The sticker didn't come without praise though. My DP thanked him for sitting and joining us for dinner. He explained to him how much he likes having him at dinner. Our son was gushing with excitement.
The next hurdle on our chart was Clean up time. This one didn't go over so well. After three warnings to straighten his toy shelf he said he didn't want his sticker. I was frustrated that the prospect of going to the pool this weekend hadn't worked. I X'ed the spot for the sticker and that was that. This also had me worried for bedtime. What if he had decided he simply didn't want the sticker that would ultimately earn him a movie night.
We had been to the park that evening and he was pretty worn out from the whole experience. He had played with some kids and then joined me for part of my evening run. When we returned home I started his bed time routine. It was only natural it was 8PM. So I went about it slowly. I was under what seemed like pressure since the Season finale of Lost was coming on in just one hour. He did his shower and then wanted a bed time snack. Several snacks in fact. I felt like it was stall tactic but I wanted him full so there would be no excuses once it was time to get in bed. After his snack he asked for story time and we did stories. Then came lights out. Now I knew it would be very rude and down right wrong to kiss him good night, turn off the light, and leave. That would have blown up more quickly than an atom bomb. So I went really slow with my intentions to leave the room while he was still awake. First, I turned on a Book on CD. HE insisted that I "read" it to him but I assured him I would come check on him. I told him all he had to do was call for me if he "needed" me. I went back in his room several times upon his request but at NO point did he get out of bed. Each time I returned I let him know that he was doing great with staying in the bed. He could go to sleep and he would be fine. Right before falling asleep in his room I was giving him a back rub. He was insisting that I keep rubbing but I finally told him it was time for sleep. Part of that decision came from my very full bladder. HE cried for a minute while I went to be bathroom. The bathroom is right next to his room so I stayed in there for about 5 minutes. He was asleep when I came back inside the room. I was so happy for him.
This morning my DS woke and I told him what he had done. He had gone to sleep without me, and he had stayed in bed. He was so happy for himself. He ran into the kitchen to look at his sticker chart. Now of course I was beaming on the inside because not only did night one go well, he was so proud of himself. He started talking about what movie he was going to watch, and wanted to know if he was going to get Popcorn.
I will continue to post on my progress with this system. I am very happy and pleased that my Dp is on board with me.
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